2010 was one of those years for me. one of those that you can't really see the end of. one that stretched and pulled me in ways i never thought possible. i feel like i grew more in 2010 than any other year. and yeah yeah yeah, i know. everyone says that every year. but i'm serious. biggest year of growth thus far. and i think this is just the beginning.
a pretty normal statement i hear from time to time is that i am "deviant" in college culture. is this statement true? in many ways, yes. does this put a big standard to hold inn my day to day life? definately yes. its intimidating. so intimidating. and honestly, i depend on Him completely to let me shine because if it was up to me i would probably screw up every single step of the way.
my life isn't ordinary. and i really don't think He ever wants it to be. every Christian's life should look completely different, a 360 from that of the world. and this isn't easy. because we are living in such a messed up world. the commercials scream for us to pay money we don't have for stuff we don't need. and kids are getting cell phones when they are 5. and we volunteer at soup kitchens but won't dare stop to pray for the homeless man on the street because "he has been drinking." it's messed up. we sit on padded pews and eat $15 meals after the sermon about serving the "least of these." we will give money to any school in town but when the church asks for it, we claim that the preacher just wants a bigger salary or nicer car. we live in a world of materialism. we live in a world that hates Christians and if you aren't hated...you are doing something wrong. sorry to burst your bubble.
i am definately not saying i have it all together. because that is the farthest thing from the truth. i am a recovering sinner and i mess up a lot. all i am saying is, we should aim to have not so ordinary lives. who wants to be average, anyways?
i was taking a gander at my life. being nostalgic. my life has been so different and almost weird.
i grew up in ministry. i have never known anything different. i guess that is why i am drawn to other people in ministry and people older than me. i am an old soul and i am okay with that. i grew up sitting on the piano bench with my daddy practicing for Sunday mornings. i used to watch Dino play the piano instead of cartoons at the ripe age of 3 with popcorn in hand..that is not exactly normal. and then my perfect baby sister flipped our world upside down. a sister who can't walk or talk make the family dynamics far different than any other family. i sorta had to grow up fast. when you see your sister scream and cry as she has seizures back to back...you can' help but act like a grown up. i have parents who spent countless nights on their knees praying for the seizures to stop, for Jamie to walk, for Jamie to talk, for me to be able to have a normal life..funnny thing is...God didn't want us to have a normal life. a different kind of maturity came from being in my family. i always felt like no one really got me. now, some people pretended really well. but they still thought my dreams. and heart. and life was so weird. i was the one in elementary school during prayer requests asking about the people in the jungle who hadn't heard the name of Jesus. that should have been a clue, huh? and then fast forward. i dropped nursing like it was hot against what everyone said because i would meet a nice young man in school and make good money. this i did not care about at all. i was aimlessly taking classes waiting to hear His voice on what to do. and it came. and it was for something so liberal. and intimidating. and i went for it. and i had to learn to speak up. and not be the quiet student. and i had to learn fast how to share my testimony with a class full of Atheists. He taught me boldness. this large big dose of it came my way. it hit me hard. and i don't think i would recognize the quiet student i was in highschool. my old teachers seem to be shocked.
all of that to say my life isn't normal. and it won't be. and i am not sure what it will look like in 2011 but i know that it's gonna take some faith and jumping this year.
it will look like more prayers with the homeless under the bridge. and more blankets and Bibles to give out. it will probably look like more hard questions from my professors. and God proving how faithful He is by giving them the desire to seek out blogs of His servants. it will look like confirmation from God that no one can deny. it will be just another chapter in this huge, beautiful story that is His.
2010 had a few moments that in the world's eyes were ordinary. when i look back....walt disney could not make those moments more perfect. and those moments will forever be in my heart and the back of my mind. i will cherish them forever. and probably not even one person could guess what they were but that's okay because they are like little love notes from God just for me. and only me.
see God in the everyday. He is there. and He wants you to live this life that the world thinks is crazy. and weird. and sometimes lame.
live it for Him. and look for Him.
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