"what's it to you?" -Jesus.

a 21 day fast ended Sunday. we ended it with communion. which i think is beautiful. it began with worship of my Daddy and it ended in remembering all He taught me in the first 3 weeks of 2011.

i can give one word for those 3 weeks: worship.

not the kind you automatically think of. not the kind in the church. or in a conference. surrounded by your best friends who are also worshiping. but the kind that wakes you up in the middle of the night. the kind that makes you do crazy stuff on the way home from school. the kind that makes you cry as you leave the lecture hall.

and Sunday i saw a picture of just what Jesus desires this raw worship to look like.

i'm standing singing the songs, worried about the no signal blue box on one of the walls when Jesus shows off like He has done so often these past days.

a little boy. a perfect, beautiful little boy in a wheelchair is about 4 rows in front of me. on the end of an aisle. not where he usually sits so i usually don't get to see him until after church. there he is strapped in his chair. his mom beside him worshiping. and he begins to worship. worship like i have never seen. the kind that catches you off guard and takes your breath away. clapping his hands, smiling up towards the sky all at the same time. and being who i am my mind went here...

imagine his days. depending on his mother. not being able to walk. wearing braces on his legs that probably rub his legs and leave bruises. knowing that yet another day of not being "normal."

imagine what goes through his mind some days. he probably thinks about how he is a burden. he probably wishes he could go to the movies like his brothers. he probably thinks that no one will ever love him enough to marry him and take care of him.

imagine the kids at his school. he probably gets made fun of. he probably cries some nights. he probably would never tell his mom this though because he already feels guilty for her being tired.

but he praises. and to Jesus its probably the most pure form. because he is sitting in a chair he may never get out of. he is clapping with hands that go through physical therapy. he is pursuing his creator even though he may feel inadequate but he knows to our Daddy he is perfect. he was made in His image. there is not one flaw in Him.

oh, to have worship like that. pure. raw. sitting at His feet. knowing that we are broken. knowing that we need Him more than life itself.

clapping when we can hardly move our hands.

but most of the time we look at other people who don't appear to be as broken as we are. who look like they have it all together. who have an "easy" calling on their lives. and we wonder why. why can't i have it like they do? why can't my sister run like theirs? why can't i just be a school teacher in Georgia? why do they get recognition when they don't deserve it? why don't they get pushed as hard as i do? and the list goes on.

and all the while Jesus is looking us straight in the face like He did to Peter saying, "what's it to you?" we can't judge our stories based on other peoples. He uses us differently. and yes, we are all made in His image but we all are different. He molds our hearts and shapes our stories.

He is using it all. and i don't like to hear that sometimes but its true. every single uh-oh...He's using it. every single accomplishment...He's using it. every single family member that gets sick...yep, He's using it. those mistakes that haunt...you betcha, He's gonna use it. every tear stained night....oh, He is using it.

our stories are different. our worship is different. but our God is the same. and He always will be.

paint a canvas. project something onto some screen. color a picture. take a picture. make a movie. teach a class. move to China. just do whatever He wants you to.

and don't dare ask Him why your life can't be like....John Doe's. what's it to you? you don't know the end of your story and you don't know the end of theirs. just wait on Him. trust Him. He's way more creative and smart than we give Him credit for half the time.

worship Him fully. trust Him continuously. and do something good for His kingdom.

and read John 21.