on orphans. and new years.

it was a normal day. 

flaming hot. my veil sticking to my face and neck. and sitting in a Somali's ladies lap on the "bus."

my morning was spent on the dirt covered ground of the orphanage. holding the babies who called me mama and traced the lines of my face. 

on the way there I had been called "infadel" and prayed Psalm 91 all the way. 

earlier that week I had been shoved pretty intensely against a wall. a few scabs and bruises were showing on my leg as I fed Abdourman on the ground. 

all of this added up for a moment that no one else but our Heavenly Daddy could orchestrate. 

praying over lifeless bodies. singing "Jesus loves me" in a language only I knew. and with sweat dripping from my brow. 

He made things clear. 

He was all I needed. everything I needed He encompassed. and He provided. 

protection..I had it. 

comfort...I continually experienced it. 

power...I saw it everyday. 

so as I enter into a new season. a season of unknowns. a season of waiting. and quite frankly an awkward season of life. 

I won't forget it. 

I won't forget what He taught me. 

I won't forget the babies. 

I won't forget the bruises and scabs. 

I can't. 

as I wait for the next go, I remember. 

.....................................................................................................................................................................................

2012 was filled with waiting. and visas. and flights. 

with hard goodbyes. and support like I have never known. 

it was full of life. and death. and stings. 

it was a year that encompassed Isaiah 58 in every way. 

it was crying babies. and begging street kids. 

it was students. and beggars. 

it was soccer balls and Bibles. 

it was persecution. 

and healing. 

it was forgiveness and mercy. 

lightness and darkness. 

power seen in the powerless nights. 

it was waterless days. and fighting for my life. 

it was an African hospital and claiming I would live. 

it was hurting goodbyes. and exciting hellos. 

it was the start. not the end. 

it was home. in more than one place. 

it was the greatest year of faithfulness I have ever known.

.....................................................................................................................................................................................

Heavenly Daddy, I am here for Your earthly glory. do Your thing. 

2013, bring it. 

on a Wednesday in a cafe.

I have been a little over 3 months.

3 months of sharing stories. tears. meeting new friends. realizing you lose friends. starting GSOM classes. interning at Mission Change. getting used to water on a daily basis. remembering. praying. and waiting.

before I left the field, I talked extensively about what would happen when I got home. how I would feel. what things would change. but things happen differently than expected. and it certainly did for me.

mine looked like sleepless nights. a hurting heart. and swollen eyes. dreams of the kids. prayers that *told Him what to do.* and trying to figure out exactly what He was going to do.

my heart is healed. my sleep is back. and I am at peace.
and He did that. all of it.

BUT...it was not untl last week. sitting at a table. with my best friends. outside. at a coffee shop. that He blew. my. mind.

I couldn't tell you what we were talking about. I remember nothing about our conversations. because from one simple text message. He spoke to my heart. and I got it.

the text message read: "I know He will put me where He wants me."

I read it over and over and over again. He will put me where He wants me.

And He took me back to a women's retreat. with my mentor. the semester before I graduated college. I had no idea where He was sending me or what I was going to do. but I did know He was going to give me some clear answers that weekend and He did.

a sweet, sweet lady prayed over me. and He spoke so clearly. He revealed so much. But the one thing that He has reminded me of DAILY is that "the first place you go will not be your last nor your home."

now.

I had forgotten about this. completely forgotten. until that night. with my best friends. when God used a text message and brought this to my remembrance.

East Africa. my heart is there.
but my God is there. and that is enough.

He will put me where He wants me. and that is going to look a lot different than I have probably planned on.

life might look like where's waldo. life might look like Him sending me to another continent.
but this I know. He has it.

so this season is a season of giving Him my heart .all of it. giving Him Africa. letting Him deal with that.

because as CHEESY as this sounds...He has some pretty incredible things in store for my future family. my future husband HAS to be praying the same way. that God would take control and send him wherever. and I find great peace in that.

may Him reveal Himself deeply. and completely.

so as I lay down my wanting for Africa may He be glorified and exalted. Amen.