it was cold on the plane. my pillow was wet with tears. and i am confident that i scared the Indian guy to death who was a newbie coming to America.
my heart was racing. and i was nervous as all get out.
but why. i didn't get it.
i was about to set my eyes on my family. on my friends. that i had not seen for six long months.
i had looked death in the face and kicked Satan all over the place. i wanted to see them. really, i did.
but i was scared to.
because you see as soon as my little feet set on that airport floor. it began.
a new season.
a new season that i wasn't sure how to deal with. one that the Lord had given me promises about. one that had been prayed over. one that was PREPARED before i was even created.
let that sink in for a second.
He knew that i would be freaking out. He knew that i would be scared of what was up ahead. and nervous about being back at home.
He knew. He understood. and that's why He filled my heart and journal with endless promises of what He would provide. of what He would show me. and of what He would do miraculously.
.........................................................................................................................................................
fast forward some months.
months full of nightmares. reunions. pictures. emails. flashbacks. tears. laughter. and pure joy.
here i am in this new season.
an awkward season but a new season alas.
i try to figure it out most days, but then i remember He has me in the palm of my hand. and to LET GO of these white knuckles of mine.
i am leaning on my Savior fully. trusting His every word. and listening very closely.
so on days like today where Satan tries to make me question the who what when where and why.
i basically punch him in the face and tell him to get lost.
but really, I do.
because my Daddy knows me better than anyone else. He knows my love language. He knows my fears. and He knows my dreams.
He speaks to me in the ways I need and calms my fears when they arise.
He is the beginning. He is the end. and He is the in between.
He doesn't go anywhere. He won't leave me. and He surely will not forsake me.
He forgives me when I doubt His faithfulness. and takes every opportunity to show just how powerful He is.
..................................................................................................................................................................
y'all, our Heavenly Daddy is the best. He is unbelievable.
so as you wait for Him to move. as you wait for Him to tell you the next step. as you wait for the GO {I am there.}.
praise Him. live by faith, not by feeling.
because we all know our feelings are all jacked up sometimes.
when your head tells you He can't, commend your spirit that yes, He can and He will.
Lord, I trust what you are doing. I will follow You.
make straight Your way before us! Psalm 5:8 .
