tomorrow marks a month that I have been here. a MONTH. cannot believe it.
the day I arrived consisted of lots of jet lag. and tears after seeing my neighborhood. I think I was in shock. my roommate left and I had some intense conversations with Daddy.
why me? why here? why now?
and boy, did He answer.
"because I chose you for these people for this place for this time. do you not see My plan?"
and alone in this tiny apartment with no connection to the outside world it all made sense. living for SUCH A TIME AS THIS. Esther 4:14.
once I put it all in His hands my fears were put at ease. He delivered me from them. His plan does indeed make sense.
I pass hundreds of beggars a day. most handicapped. sitting on a piece of cardboard with nothing to call their own but what is on their back. I get followed by street kids who have taken a liking to me. they love me and I love them so much. they live alone...in the streets...being exposed to fighting, to sexual abuse, to dangers of all sorts. their means of survival are composed of their sweet faces, begging...pleading for a little bit of food, water, money...anything. the people in my neighborhood have learned my name. I am that crazy white girl. the only one who lives here. the one who kisses babies. and shakes hands. and says hello to everyone I see. they see me coming and prepare themselves. the kids call me "hojo ivy"...mother. they get special treats. sometimes they go with me to the grocery store. sometimes they play futbol with me. but most of the time I end up with a baby on my hip no matter where I am and I don't mind one bit.
when I see their faces His words ring clear..."let THEM come unto Me...." He loved them and so do I. I long to be His hands to them. to show them love. what it looks like, what it feels like, what it can do...radically change you.
I have smelled the smells of a people that need something they don't even realize they need. I have passed by open hands that do not know that what they need I cannot give them. I hear babies cry every minute of the day. I see desperation. I smell hopelessness...mixed with sewage and trash. I walk through mud thinking of what it must be like to live in that. I miss water most days and become grateful that we even have a water supply. I eat food and find someone to take the leftovers...food here is far too precious to sit in a refrigerator.
I have sat holding babies who have never been held by their mother. I have fed babies that are so sick they throw up when food touches their mouth. I have cried over the sweet ones who have a disorder that has handicapped them physically and mentally. I have been disappointed that WE have not done more. that we have not adopted. that we have not sent aide. I have sang a lot of songs they cannot understand. I have taught babies "hello" and "bye bye." I have seen a special little man lay in a swing meant for an infant and have seizures. I have seen the other special little man choke on his on mucus. I have realized that there is no way that I cannot adopt as many children as possible...some of those being from the very place I rock babies. I have felt the fingers of a baby trace my face and stare into my eyes because he never had the opportunity to do that to his own mother. I have felt ashamed that I acted like this world didn't exist. that the fly infested orphanages with babies screaming, babies that are dehydrated, babies that need someone to hold them, babies that cling to anything that resembles a mother, babies that need medical attention, babies that cannot help themselves but are depending on us to live out what J commanded...did not exist. but oh, sweet friends, they do. and I kiss every single baby every minute I can. I tell them how special they are and that there is a special family who will love them....not even knowing if that is true. and if His plan means a tear stained pillow case every single night...I have to be okay with that.
I have taught students who respect me. who listen to me. who are the smartest in the world. and I am not biased at all :) they have picked up so fast. some cannot read. some cannot write. some cannot even detect one letter from another. but man, are they great! I love it! the biggest class the school has ever had...just a revolution getting ready.
rocks thrown. words said. screams yelled. hand held. feet dirtied. ball kicked. babies held. mamas hugged. buses ridden. hospital visited. students loved. water outage. power cuts. dreams realized. visions fulfilled. yarps answered. fears stomped on. languages being learned. friends missed. long emails read.
bed broken. (this happened night 2) welcome, to the real Africa :)
He is worth it people. go do something not for your glory, but His today. make a difference. love somebody hard. give your money away. be willing to look stupid. for Him. only Him. He's the only good thing worth giving it all for.
Nzambe malamu.
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