if he is scared, i am excited.

I will start with this: I am okay with Satan hating on me.

Sounds crazy, right? well let me tell you about a few things.

if you haven't heard...our world is at war. we have to fight. every single day. and if you don't have to...you can count yourself lucky.

my campus is a war zone. i am a soldier. maybe not a good one, but i am one. trying to shine. trying to show greater love. trying to make "on earth as it is in Heaven" come to life in Georgia.

i don't think i have ever had so much spritual warfare as i have this semester. maybe because i prayed for fearless love and He gave it. maybe because my professors favor me when they shouldn't care about a word i say. maybe because He is up to something that i cannot even fathom.

...looking at my medical chart...i have been sick more since January than i have the past year.

,,,anxiety about this next year has overtaken me.

...chaos does not even begin to describe it.

...i had my first wreck today.let's be real. i was scared to death when the guy hit me today. and then i felt sorry for him. the paramedics, sheriff, and firemen were the sweetest and treated me like i was their daughter...offering their jackets and telling me to stay in the car out of the rain. He puts good stuff in my path these days. and i was anxiously awaiting for my Daddy. i was being taken care of but i needed him. and he came. and it was all okay.

i can't help but parallel this to my life at the current moment. yes, its busy. yes, its chaotic. and yes, sometimes i feel like a wreck. and sometimes friends or Bible studies or encouragement can make it better but it only is okay when our Father gets there. when we invite Him in. to take control.

it just so happens that the wreck happens on the day after my professor tells me he will sit down with me and figure out my classes. and the day after i drove across town to give out 2 meals and a Bible. Satan hates me.

looks like he is out for me. and to be honest, that makes me excited.

because if he is scared, I am excited.

because His plans are bigger. and better. and don't make sense sometimes. but that is the part that makes the journey so exciting:)

and He reminds me just how good He is by my best friends taking me to eat Mexican andpraying over me the sweetest, most tender prayers i have heard in a long time. they know this heart of mine and go along with the crazy dreams He has given me. they are some amazing people. and we also danced under the moon, in the driveway, singing really loudly to "A Girl Named Tennessee." so tell me why not to like Satan hating?

we fight because we know there is so much more.

tonight, i miss this.

we were shamelessly

fighting

for our city.

we crossed

racial barriers.

and we loved them hard.

...this is Niecey. we prayed together and she asked Christ to be her

Savior that day:) one of my most memorable moments so far

in my life. it was absolutely beautiful. she is going to do some

amazing things for His glory! ...

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we love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19.


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13 years. africa and legacies.

today it has been 13 years since I hugged my sweet Granny.

today marks 13 years that she has been dancing around with our Savior.

today marks 13 years since the day I just do not like to think about.

I talk about her often because she deserves to be talked about.

I love people because she taught me how to.

I never have to worry about being supported in missions because of the people she influenced, preached to, and left a legacy for.

And I have a burden on my heart for Africa...because we used to talk about it.

This past year, my burden for certain African countries has grown tremendously and I can't explain why except He is up to something:) I will tell you the first time my heart skipped a beat for the less fortunate. (And I smile just thinking about how Jesus allowed me to remember this)

Sitting at Granny's kitchen table.

She was reading to me out of encyclopedias. (yes, we are that cool)

She placed a basket on my head and made me walk around like that for the rest of the day.

Showing me...what it was like to live in Ethiopia, having to walk miles to get water.

And from that moment on...my heart has not been the same.

So because of her, I love the way Jesus loves me.

So because of her, I will live out a life that other people are scared to think about.

And because of her, I will share the Gospel with my atheist professors. ....why this one?

...because one of her hundreds of tax folks...just so happened to be an atheist psychology professor....coincedence? God-thing?...and she shared Christ with him every time she saw him. and he loved her for it. Today, he still comes to my house to get his taxes done by my mom. And he might not want to believe in my God but that never meant he didn't see His love all over my sweet Granny.

so tonight, my prayer is that I make her proud. that I make my Heavenly Daddy proud.

I pray her legacy lives on. through me. through my future children. and through their children.

oh, I miss her. but she is talking to Jesus about the revolution that is about to unfold:)

today..I wonder about 5 years from now.

I don't have a lot to say today. Mostly because I am so busy I cannot even think straight on my day off.

But I wonder...in five years...will my life look like this.

Or will it look more like this. (with a child that looks a little more like me. haha.)

Or this.

What I hope most is that it is a comination. of all three of those pictures.

His plans are bigger. His ways are better. Sometimes I don't know exactly what He is up to...but I am liking it:)

He's too good for me. But He loves me anyways.

capital punishment. loving each other deeply. and knowing my Daddy.

disclaimer: yes, this is really a post about capital punishment. and yes, i do live in south Georgia. and yes, i realize people may think this is over the top.

today, a LSU graduate student came to interview for a position at Southwestern. of course, it would be my class that he taught/was watched in.

he was nervous. he was awkward. he seemed super nice. he had red hair.

we talked about capital punishment. people being put to death wrongly. and how minorities are put to death more than white people. and my heart just hurts thinking about it again.

we filled out a survey and i said i didn't agree with it. i was one of like 3 in the liberal class who thought this. it was eye opening. aren't liberals for life in prison?

anyways, here is the deal. i honestly don't know if it is right. i am tired of taking everyone else's word for it. so i will search and pray and search some more. because my Daddy cares enough to let me know.

if someone ever hurt Jamester...i would want something done. probably not just prison. so this is where it gets tough. my human heart wants to say yes...but does God truly like what is going on?
... in Matthew 5:39 Jesus tells us to "turn the other cheek."
BUT
...in Isaiah 1:17 it says "learn to do right! seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless, and plead the case of the widow."


over the last few years....
Texas executed 379.
Georgia executed 38.
Tennessee executed 2.

for a few minutes today i wanted to move to TN, but then He reminded me of something...our world is corrupt and messed every single place i ever go.

my.heart. is. heavy.

today, being an English major at a Christian school would have been so much easier. but i think He has proved Himself faithful this week. He has screamed love. He has made God-things happen. and He has shown Himself not only to me, but to my professor who i love dearly through a friend's blog.

and so when i am confused. i will trust.
and when i can't see. i will trust.

September.

this molding of my heart is continual. and beautiful. and i am really loving what He is doing.

and what He began doing that day in September.

Orlando. Mid September. Worship. with 40,000 other women.

it was amazing. and life changing. for so many reasons.

i was exhausted. and it refreshed me.

i was losing hope. and oh, how He renewed it.

i wasn't sure. and He made it so clear.

and then to top it all off, He allowed connections to be made. in THE most unexpected place ever. and for that i am forever grateful.

i guess He knows my heart better than i do, huh?

i will leave you with this random picture. why you ask? because it makes me laugh and shows the joy that my Daddy pours over me. :)

sometimes the things.

sometimes the things that freak me out the most are the things that people say without thinking. knowing. or even caring.

today a girl (who knows nothing about my deep passions) said to me for the second or third time, "do you think one of your children is already alive?"

and the answer is always, "i. don't. know." i don't have it all together. i can't even imagine what He has in store these next few years.

dirt floors. mud shacks. loud streets. crowded orphanages. hurting people. His people. my future.

my heart beats funny during these moments. i feel Him re-arranging the rooms of my heart.


thanks for holding this heart, Daddy.