December, you were epic.

December is always one of those months that i love. who doesn't love Christmas trees? and parties? and singing "happy birthday Jesus?" and getting cards in the mail everyday? and the semester coming to an end? and hot chocolate? and tacky sweaters? it gets no better than that!

it's always a hustle and bustle full of smiles and a little stress before finals week. this year was no different in these areas. but it was just the best month of my life. some of the best moments of my year and the most influential conversations with people and my Heavenly Daddy happened this month. it was intense. and crazy. and i have never seen His faithfulness like i did thisDecember.

it all began with Deeper Still. i heard exactly what He wanted me to. even when it was hard and i didn't want to listen; He found a way to get it through to me during those 2 days. a caravan of 24 women joining 14,000 other women in worship and seeking Him and only Him. it made for a beautiful beginning to the month. the online became offline. He showed off His power. and glory. i got asked to repeat words. and i met a few women who are incredible and seem to know a lot about me. and there was snow. our God is crazy cool. in the tops for favorite weekends.

i finished finals the next week. Praise Jesus. Praise Jesus.

actually, the day i finished off my semester ended with a fast drive back to Albany. and a dash up the stairs at Phoebe only to wait a little while longer for the little lion man, Judah, to be born. we were all beside ourselves. on the way there i could do nothing but pray for that sweet little life about to be born. he is a world changer and a revolutionary. i know these things. with the parents he has there is no way that he won't rock this world for Jesus. he is a lucky boy. and is surrounded by a big ole community that loves him to pieces. he's the first baby in our "group" so imagine how spoiled this little man will be?

sometimes i pray things and i really don't think that He is listening. and then days like December 8 happen. and i know He is listening so very closely. and He doesn't have to prove Himself to us but He chooses to let us know that we are His and He cares about the silly stuff we care about.

there was an unseasonable snow in Albany December 8. it hardly ever snows in Albany. not even flurries happen often. so everyone was a little taken off guard of this said snow that happened. it was a little dose of happiness. and a big showing of His power. and faithfulness to those who love Him.

conversations seasoned this month. full of stories of seeing His hand in the everyday. God never forsaking those who follow Him. the callings-great and small-of a God that doesn't need us but chooses to let us work for Him. talks of the next few years. our Jesus works in mysterious ways. so mysterious. but its so exciting.

Landy Kate asked me about the "hungers." she seems to be amazed that they are my friends and i know them. she has a big heart that God is going to use in a mighty way in His kingdom and i am so thankful i will be here or there to watch it all unfold. she asks some hard questions at the sweet age of 5 and some that are almost silly but to have that faith that she does. goodness. she is a little missionary. full of compassion. and a bulletin board full of pictures of children in Peru and Haiti that she prays for. Christmas Eve i got to watch her little life be sparked. sparked in such an incredible way. holding her. standing in a room full of the homeless and lonely of our city. her eyes were wide open and i know her heart was being molded. "IB, do you know him too?" talks with Cakes this month probably rank in top ten moments of my life. its not often you find a child with love like that.

Hilary also graduated this month. my baby sister cousin graduated from UGA. and she moves to Senegal March 9. this is another post for another day. just know that i am one proud cousin.

oh, and Harber my next to last cousin turned 13. not right. doesn't seem possible. he is our little man-thats growing up!

i got together with some of the girls i graduated highschool with. it's never awkward or lame. we always pick up right where we left off. and i am blessed. its not often that you are still friends with people you graduated with years ago. its not often you have a group of women sold out to God to call friends. they encourage me like no other. and are some of the few who saw the dreams take hold in my life. it was a process and they were there to experience it every step of the way. they are amazing. and beautiful. and the perfect dose of laughter in my life!

i also got to spend enormous amounts of time with my "we do life together" friends. and people like Mandy K. and JayeJaye who pour into my life. and seeing my Jill become a mom has been such a cool thing. these are people who stand up for me. even when i sound crazy. and pray for my professors every single day. they tell me when i am wrong. college kinda puts a damper on the social life of a senior so seeing them everyday has been awesomeeeeee.

December was just good. full of friends. new and old. full of Jesus. full of family. and full of faith.

and i am at a loss. and at the end. God is too good to me. Christmas deserves a post by itself. and it will come soon:)

shine for Him. have a childlike faith. and NEVER ever doubt the faithfulness of our God. He is so worthy. of our everything.

it's about a love made public.

the last Sunday of Advent is behind us and tomorrow starts the two days where the worlds sits still and remembers. remembers a Priest who came to us in a shack. remembers a King who would lay His life down humbly for His people. remembers that moment when the angels in heaven held their breath and at His first breath let out a great big "hallelujah!" we remember the things that we often overlook. we remember that young couple whose world was completely shaken up by the birth of a newborn baby.



this past year, Luke 1:38 has been my life verse and probably always will be. and yes, it's part of the Scripture that we read at Christmas but i think its more than okay to live by it every day of the year.



"I am the Lord's servant," she said. "May it be done to me according to Your word."



imagine being Mary. a young, terrified teenage girl who had just seen an angel. probably something that most of us will never visibly see until we get to heaven. she saw an ANGEL that spoke directly to her, telling her she would carry the son of God, the healer of the nations, our redeemer, our rescuer. Mary was going to raise Him and feed Him and bathe Him and buy Him clothes and talk to him about growing up. of course she was terrified but she prayed that whatever He wanted, let it be done. and she knew God's word was pure and just and holy and there was nothing in His character that wanted to harm her so she trusted Him every step of the way.

i want to be like Mary. be willing to lay it all down. to trust Him when i am scared to death. to hold Him close and to know that He is completely mine.



i have come to the conclusion that God is also wanting this to be my goal since i have received emails and women that i love dearly praying this verse over me without even knowing. isn't our God cool?



let's talk about how cool He is. December 7 a little perfect boy was born to some of my greatest friends, Johnny and Jill. Johnny is my college pastor and Jilligan is my small group leader. to say they are family is a sore understatement. Judah Andrew came into the world and was surrounded first thing by a community that will love, sacrifice, and watch him grow up. seeing that little Christmas miracle makes me feel like all of us(especially women) can understand that night that Jesus came into this crazy world.



holding "hey jude" and watching him as he sleeps, there is nothing quite like it. and i am sure Mary felt the same way, watching our Savior breathe in and out. brushing her hand against his little rosey cheeks and praying over Him. she watched as her dearest friends and even strangers would stop by their house to love on Jesus, to give Him gifts, and to simply just stare at the miracle that is the birth of any child. Mary held that small baby knowing that one day He was going to change the world for good and for the glory of His Heavenly Daddy. she knew His small, tender hands would go on to do incredible things for His Father's Kingdom. Mary held Him tight and probably tried not to think about the coming years of Him going away.

so this Christmas, i feel like i have a new set of eyes. i am feeling Christmas in my heart a little bit different. He is peace and love and mercy. and i hope you feel every single one of those as you enjoy these next few days with your family.



be like Mary. hold Him close and love Him completely.



and be on the look out in the coming years for the world changer that is Judah Andrew.

our Heavenly Daddy made His love public for us. He didn't try to hide the coming King. He didn't keep it in the secret. but instead, He let the whole world know of the great redeemer that had come to set us free. so, this Christmas, don't keep it all in. make His love in you public. feed the hungry. clothe the poor. love on the helpless. its the way He would want His birthday celebrated.

reason 2. the ordinary starting turning into Disney moments.

2010 was one of those years for me. one of those that you can't really see the end of. one that stretched and pulled me in ways i never thought possible. i feel like i grew more in 2010 than any other year. and yeah yeah yeah, i know. everyone says that every year. but i'm serious. biggest year of growth thus far. and i think this is just the beginning.

a pretty normal statement i hear from time to time is that i am "deviant" in college culture. is this statement true? in many ways, yes. does this put a big standard to hold inn my day to day life? definately yes. its intimidating. so intimidating. and honestly, i depend on Him completely to let me shine because if it was up to me i would probably screw up every single step of the way.

my life isn't ordinary. and i really don't think He ever wants it to be. every Christian's life should look completely different, a 360 from that of the world. and this isn't easy. because we are living in such a messed up world. the commercials scream for us to pay money we don't have for stuff we don't need. and kids are getting cell phones when they are 5. and we volunteer at soup kitchens but won't dare stop to pray for the homeless man on the street because "he has been drinking." it's messed up. we sit on padded pews and eat $15 meals after the sermon about serving the "least of these." we will give money to any school in town but when the church asks for it, we claim that the preacher just wants a bigger salary or nicer car. we live in a world of materialism. we live in a world that hates Christians and if you aren't hated...you are doing something wrong. sorry to burst your bubble.

i am definately not saying i have it all together. because that is the farthest thing from the truth. i am a recovering sinner and i mess up a lot. all i am saying is, we should aim to have not so ordinary lives. who wants to be average, anyways?

i was taking a gander at my life. being nostalgic. my life has been so different and almost weird.
i grew up in ministry. i have never known anything different. i guess that is why i am drawn to other people in ministry and people older than me. i am an old soul and i am okay with that. i grew up sitting on the piano bench with my daddy practicing for Sunday mornings. i used to watch Dino play the piano instead of cartoons at the ripe age of 3 with popcorn in hand..that is not exactly normal. and then my perfect baby sister flipped our world upside down. a sister who can't walk or talk make the family dynamics far different than any other family. i sorta had to grow up fast. when you see your sister scream and cry as she has seizures back to back...you can' help but act like a grown up. i have parents who spent countless nights on their knees praying for the seizures to stop, for Jamie to walk, for Jamie to talk, for me to be able to have a normal life..funnny thing is...God didn't want us to have a normal life. a different kind of maturity came from being in my family. i always felt like no one really got me. now, some people pretended really well. but they still thought my dreams. and heart. and life was so weird. i was the one in elementary school during prayer requests asking about the people in the jungle who hadn't heard the name of Jesus. that should have been a clue, huh? and then fast forward. i dropped nursing like it was hot against what everyone said because i would meet a nice young man in school and make good money. this i did not care about at all. i was aimlessly taking classes waiting to hear His voice on what to do. and it came. and it was for something so liberal. and intimidating. and i went for it. and i had to learn to speak up. and not be the quiet student. and i had to learn fast how to share my testimony with a class full of Atheists. He taught me boldness. this large big dose of it came my way. it hit me hard. and i don't think i would recognize the quiet student i was in highschool. my old teachers seem to be shocked.

all of that to say my life isn't normal. and it won't be. and i am not sure what it will look like in 2011 but i know that it's gonna take some faith and jumping this year.

it will look like more prayers with the homeless under the bridge. and more blankets and Bibles to give out. it will probably look like more hard questions from my professors. and God proving how faithful He is by giving them the desire to seek out blogs of His servants. it will look like confirmation from God that no one can deny. it will be just another chapter in this huge, beautiful story that is His.

2010 had a few moments that in the world's eyes were ordinary. when i look back....walt disney could not make those moments more perfect. and those moments will forever be in my heart and the back of my mind. i will cherish them forever. and probably not even one person could guess what they were but that's okay because they are like little love notes from God just for me. and only me.

see God in the everyday. He is there. and He wants you to live this life that the world thinks is crazy. and weird. and sometimes lame.

live it for Him. and look for Him.

why did i like 2010?! reason 1.

Ivy Laing | Peru from Chris Fenner on Vimeo.

peru is my heart. and this one of the reasons why.


a little girl named Zaida.

and 2010 held the moment of seeing her once again.

she is a gift from God. and her life and the life of her family shows me just how big His story is.

bringing together a random meeting of a little girl in Lima. and a girl from Georgia. two families who pray for each other. and love the Lord so much. it's just a line in my story that no one else could make up.

searching door to door, she was found. and i hope i never forget that. a random chance meeting that turned into a passion so big i just don't know how to contain it.


the video captures it all so well. mad props to Chris Fenner. (@fenner403)

going deeper still.

i have tried to write about Deeper Still five times now. this time i will just post it no matter what comes out.

Deeper Still was this beautiful, perfect time of God literally whispering in my ear each and every session, every worship time, and every time in between..."see, what I told you is true."

do i think that God would tell me a lie? no. do i sometimes act like it's almost too good to be true? yes. does He ALWAYS prove Himself faithful? every single time.

it's almost creepy. okay, not creepy but completely a God thing that every single piece of Scripture that Kay Arthur spent the most time on out of Matthew (she talked about the entire book of Matthew) was written in my journal from the week before. He was knitting things together long before i got to that arena with 14, 000 other women.

"don't worry about us, we are already dead!" oh, if we lived our everyday lives this way. sacrificial. because what we have does not matter. our lives are not our own. and true worship is realizing that while giving every single glory we may receive back to our Heavenly Daddy.

as i sat there surrounded by women in every direction possible but most importantly 2 rows of women who would fight Satan himself and protect me from whatever came my way....how lucky am i? and it was exactly what Priscilla Shirer talked about. having someone in your life that will believe with you. not look at you crazy. not be a doubting thomas. but instead get on their knees and pray that His story is played out in your life. pray that your heart is guarded and your dreams are secured in Him. women that push you to go do something you feel ill-equipped to do because we know He will show up and use us. those people who push you to reach for the promises He has made and stand on His word no matter what this world might say.

and...i have such an incredible set of women who do that. a couple are my best friends. a couple are women who i trust with everything and they pour into my life: truth (even when i don't want to hear it) and tons of love. and my family is the greatest out there; although my dreams freak them out and i am positive each and everyday all of them wish i had just become a nurse...i know that they want what God wants and He doesn't want that for my life :)

i am blessed.

and being blessed is realizing that we do have treasures. that's what precious Beth Moore talked about. TREASURES. they are out there but they have to make it past our defenses. they get lost in the same trash as our time. i have so many treasures. and i don't deserve a single one of them. i have people who support me. i have a family that loves Jesus more than anything in this world. i have a family that believes what He says even when people seriously look at us crazy on a daily basis. i have friends that might not like what i will do after college, but they pray for me and support me anyways. i have this group of people who get my heart. and we don't necessarily have to live in the same place but to know that God has knitted a group of people together and they get my dreams. and fears. and my heart. is the most beautiful treasure out there.

let's just say that He showed off that weekend. and then He showed off again when something i prayed for as a safety net actually happened. and then it flurried in Albany. He likes to show His children He is more than able. He is faithful and true.

He is not lying to you. i promise.

falling. watching. learning.

i don't think i quite know how to describe these past few months other than: insanity. but i have found the most beautiful hope in my Heavenly Daddy.


He is strong. and good. and my best friend. and He doesn't say mean things to me. or criticize my dreams. or look at me like i am crazy. He just loves me. in this striking, take my breath away kind of way.

my basket is full with classes. and friends. and homework. and family. and church. and dreaming. and my homeless friends. but i don't think i would have it any other way. you take one of those things away and i am not Ivy. i need them. i want them. i love them.

these past few months, i have been typing away lettters, making lists, and sending thank-you notes all in preparation for a mission trip to Haiti in December.

but. it has been cancelled. looks like cholera is a bigger deal than i ever dreamed. and i want to be there. but His plan is bigger. and i am just being human when i say i don't understand. and my heart longs to walk those streets. and love those kids. and one day i will. the list He gave me long ago...it says so.

that week was kind of like when you are 6. and you learn how to ride your bike. you fall. you get this huge bloody scrape on your knee. you sit in the road and cry. and then your Daddy comes. he picks you up. and holds you. and whispers how much he loves you and how proud he is. and then. you get back on the bike.

that's exactly what it was like. and i am back on the bike. and i am eager to see what December holds. because my Heavenly Daddy makes no mistakes. i do. but He doesn't.

i mess up all the time. and i am not a perfect friend. and i am certainly not the best daughter or sister. but i am His. and i am a recovering sinner. we all are.

but i am thankful for His love. and for His grace. and for Him pouring out blessings. because we don't deserve it.

my small group is going through James. realling digging into it. and let me just say. it will mess you up.

because i don't go to the prisons and share the gospel. and i don't spend time at the hospital. and these things are gonna have to change.

and i have to love the poor with a deeper sacrificial love. and i don't know exactly what that looks like. but i think it started when my socks came off. and Clayton all of a sudden had warm feet.

i want to be at a point where if someone needs shoes...i take mine off. no question. and if someone needs a book at school and can't afford it...i get into my savings and pay for it. i just wanna love hard. and love them like Jesus.

i want to carry the burdens of the mourning. and love the ones who can't love me back. and turn the other cheek when people speak harsh things towards me.

and i can't do it alone. and i realize this all seems a little bit intense. but my God is one intense God. and He calls us to give away all we have to follow Him. and most days that scares me to death. and then there are days where...my Jeep could pay for a house in Africa. i look forward to the day of college graduation. i look forward to the day of running into His plans wide open. not that i am not in His plan right now because let me tell you He has great things planned for that campus. and my professors. they have no idea.

i am sorry i am rambled. my heart is kind of a mess. and i don't have it all together. and i think He likes it that way.

a revolution...more like love, less like a riot.

In this heart of mine, this summer has been revolutionary. God has revealed Himself so clearly. He has weeded out my dreams and plans while putting new ones in my heart. He has given comfort. He has given peace. He has caused me to be absolutely stoked about what the future holds. He has brought people into my life that understand my dreams and heart. And He has made me realize I have people in my life that will lay down their lives with mine to see a world changed for His glory.There are several reasons that I want to stir up a revolution for His glory. mainly because He said so.

but Jamie and Zaida have a lot to do with it too.


Jamie. Everyone loves Jamie. She lights up a room. She loves people without boundaries. She is so special. And because Jesus gave me Jamie, everytime I see a disabled child my heart breaks and everytime I see someone having a hard time I feel the need to help. She is such a blessing, we had no idea 18 years ago. God has molded my heart and dreams and they wouldn't be quite the same if I hadn't gone through all we have with Jamie.I wouldn't feel the need to be the voice for those who have no voice. I wouldn't be tender to the call of helping the helpless. And I surely would never imagine that kids with disabilities have one of the largest pieces of my hopes and dreams without Jamie. Jamie loves people without them having to love her. It annoys me greatly some days but she speaks to EVERYONE we see. "hello, hello" with a huge wave. And the smile on people's faces (most of the time...when they don't speak back it makes this big sister not so happy) is priceless. The love of Jesus pours out of her. And she doesn't even know it. Especially when someone opens the door for her and as we push her wheelchair by..she kisses their hand. We have told her you just can't be kissing people...but she loves hard.:) So part of this so called revolution Jesus calls us to has a lot to do with helping the helpless. He was all about not only healing the sick but making sure they were taken care of. He cares. period. and so should we.



Zaida. In 2005, I met the sweetest little girl alive in Lima, Peru. She waited for me outside the center because she wasn't sponsored. Her smile is deep. Her heart is tender. And she has seen more hurt in her life that I can probably even imagine. I will never know what it is like to go to bed hungry because there is not enough food to go around. I will never know what its like to go to the creek to bring in water filled with dirt for drinking and bathing that day. But I am so glad God saw fit to bring her into my life. And He gave the pastor direction so they could find her in that village filled with hundreds of shacks. Door to door they went, picture in hand and the wrong name in search of a little girl that didn't even know she needed to be found. Isn't it how it was with us? He sought us out. He found us. And we didn't even realize we needed to be found by Him. Now she has hope. Now she has food at least once a day. Now I can assure you this little girl will not go longer than 2 months without getting something delivered to her. Because this little girl...who I have only held in my arms 3 times...has such a large piece of my heart. My friends joke that she is my child. But really...the love is deep. She is the picture of rescue. She is the picture of hungry children being fed because of people giving their lives for His glory...(AMG International blows me away by its national workers). She knows she is loved by her Heavenly Daddy and that makes everything worth it.


Peru was obviously the main highlight of my summer, for reasons people will probably never fully understand. My heart is there but I think it is so much more than that. Part of it is that I know my calling is to be His love. period. and in Peru I feel like I accomplish that. It's almost selfish. On the mission field, people always talk about the sacrifice being made to go share the Gospel. For me, its a pleasure. I feel so happy, SO happy there. It's always been one of those places that my heart skips a beat...once again, for a million different reasons. I pray that I am His light here. I pray that I am His love here. Because when I told Him I would go wherever He told me to, I meant it. So when He keeps me here for longer than I would like...it's obvious He has a purpose. And His love will be poured out every step of the way.

My summer has been beautiful. Full of amazing people. Full of learning. Full of teaching. It will be remembered with a song, a few pictures, and a really grateful heart. BUT...in a few weeks, I start back classes. Summer will be over. Part of me is so ready to see the people and have a set schedule again. But there is part of me that is nothing but fear.

It is so intimidating walking into those classrooms knowing that you are the only Christian. Because you see, they don't ask the trivial questions. They don't care what your favorite class is. or your favorite book of the Bible. They want to know why my heart is for adoption. They want to know why I choose to follow Christ even when it is hard. They want to know how I deal with serving a loving God when the world seems to be in chaos. They get down to the issue. Because they NEED to know. And yes, they make fun of me. And yes, sometimes they say stuff for the pure fun of making me upset. But He can change their hearts. And He is right there in that classroom when they ask the tough stuff. He gives favor to me when they should hate me. I am ready to see Him do crazy cool things on that campus. In that building. And in that department. They don't want my Jesus but He wants them. And when He rocks them...it's going to be a revolution like no one has ever seen.

And to be honest being a light isn't always easy. Everyone would do it if it was.

He taught the stars to shine and they do. But here I am saying, "Daddy, it's too hard." And that disgusts me. When all He wants me to do is trust Him. And He's sitting on His throne whispering, "trust.ME.child. Don't you know I have it?"

Here's the thing though. Loving is easy for me. My heart is big. I like getting people's hearts. I like getting to know people. I just love loving people. And that is all it takes. Love is the revolution itself. Laying ourselves down. Going to talk to the person that gets on everyone else's nerves. Stopping to pray with that homeless man with whiskey on his breath knowing he is heading to the liquor store as soon as you leave. Sometimes it means giving up comfort in a world that is full of comforts everywhere. we don't have to scream. we don't have to start a riot. we don't have to hold secret meetings on how to change the world...just go do it. love them hard. and them teach them. serve them. be willing to fight. because Satan wants nothing more than for us to stop.

so this summer will be remembered by a starting of a revolution. because its happening. i see it in my friends. i see it in my city. i see it in my old high school. so people that have been in my life this summer, thank you. you're awesome. and let's continue this little revolution.


"Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard." Isaiah 58:7-8.

a year.

so.

a year makes quite the difference.

period.

summer 2009.

summer 2010.

last summer. i never quite imagined i would be here. i was so nervous about starting GSW. but no one knew that. i didn't quite know how to speak up for my Savior in a classroom full. i was 21. i wanted out of here. i wanted to see a movement. i wanted to be that change. honestly, i was fearful. and that's all there is to it. i didn't know what this year would look like. i had NO idea what to expect.


this summer. i was that change. i want to BE the movement of Christ to the nations. to this city. to that campus. i am 22.i go into this semester confident in my Jesus, knowing its His story not mine. i know i will be laughed at and asked the hard questions but i also know that i can handle it with Him at my side. i got introduced as "she is really into missions and outreach. like REALLY into it." this makes me feel like i may be going in the right direction. it's all Him anyways.



i think my life scares people.
well, my dreams do. that was evident tonight.

and i NEVER imagined that this picture would define my life at 22. senior year of college.

God, You are too good to me.

this summer.

i can't explain how much i have loved this summer. what i have learned this summer. how just this past month has surprised me a great deal. i am at a loss for words.

all i know is that i have loved every minute of it.

there are songs that will always remind me of this summer.

there are people that i met this summer that i will never forget.

there are lessons God has taught me this summer...that i am still processing.

God has flipped my world upside down.

my heart is so full.

you know when you meet someone and they "get" you? that is exactly how this summer has been.

every bit of it is a God thing. every moment. every awkward question. every smile. God works in the coolest ways.

so...GSW...look out...it is ON this next semester.

the middle.

so i am officially 22.

and i just turned 22 surrounded by pictures, journals, letters, and memories of Peru sprawled out all over my bed. tonight is the night i will get letters ready to be sent out to my supporters...they so deserve it.

this year has been a whirlwind. full of laughter. full of growth. full of some quiet moments. full of some not so quiet moments. full of best friends. full of people i meet in lines at the store. full of new friends. full of a little bit of awkwardness. full of His light. full of His goodness. full of His joy.

i don't think i have ever experienced God work like i have this past year. thinking back on it...blows me away. how quickly i forget what He has done. He opened and molded my heart in ways that i never imagined. He opened doors that were nailed shut. He gave me so much courage and boldness that it was evident to my professors. He gave me favor with the people who were suppose to hate Christians. He gave me so much more than i deserve.

i never thought i would be here at 22. i had way different plans in high school. and those curve balls He throws...get us on the right track. i didn't plan on staying in Albany for college. i didn't plan on caring about others so much it hurts. i didn't plan on being a sociologist. i really didn't plan on carrying around Bibles, water, food, and blankets in my car while being "that" girl they all know. and i surely didn't plan on living a life everyone else is scared to.

there was a point where i decided to get over myself. and i quickly threw out that dream we all or most have of....a big house, rich husband, white picket fence, four white kids in private school uniforms. because that is not what He has for me at.all. my life is way different. already it is. and i am pretty sure there is no telling what He has up His sleeve next.

this year friends and support have come from all over the place. states away. missionaries in countries i knew nothing about. people adopting that read this very blog and emailed me to pray with and for them. why He chose me, i will never grasp.

i feel like there are things states away. countries away. people that i will come in contact with that are going to change my life. things that are going to be fulfilled this next year. and i am stokedddddddddd.

my heart is so full. its running over.

i feel like this is how life is suppose to be. faith He has it. running full force into what He has in store.



if i don't risk it all this year, it's pointless.

He's so worth it. every bit of it.

He can do it ALL by Himself but He chooses to let me help and for that i am so grateful for this 22 year of life.

my cup runneth over.

so much to say.

the next few days will be filled with blog posts that should have been done last week.

Peru will be continued:)

i got a preview of the video...and when you see it ...it will blow you away. His goodness and love is seen all over it.


my summer looks different than i thought.

my heart is full.

i like the new people in my life. a lot.

august is coming too fast.

i can't quite describe what i feel.

there's this boy.

whose eyes are dark brown. and who is still in elementary school.

...on a different continent. who speaks a different language. and who completely stole my heart.

Josue.

2007.

he found me every chance he got at the church. he was the church's baby. everyone held him. loved on him. and did everything he wanted:)

2010.

i couldn't believe how big he has gotten. i gave him a picture of me and him from my last trip. he was pretty excited but wouldn't dare show it. he wanted me to hold him. and when i did...his legs hung down my body. and i loved it. he is growing. so fast. and it makes me want to spend so much more time with him. and pour into his life. but i trust this...if He doesn't send me there for good...He will put someone into his life that will pour. and love. and keep his trust. i am sure that my God will provide that.

and my favorite moment with Josue...meeting his mom. who wanted her picture taken with me. my heart was full and is full just thinking about it. and when i hugged her neck that was tired. and worn. and browned from the sun. i knew in that instant...i was exactly where He wanted me.

i didn't have a chance to say bye to him. and i still get sad thinking about it. but i trust my Daddy let his sweet little heart know that one day...i will be back. and will hold him even then.

Yungar. its a place of hope.

there is this small town outside of Huaraz. its small. its quaint. it used to be a place of desperation but now it is a place of hope.

my first trip to Peru...we went to the AMG childcare center there. and we had been forewarned that the kids would be small. they would probably smell bad. and the whole town would want to know what we were doing there. it was so small. a little room with benches but so full of love. the pastor of this church is incredible and the most genuine person i have ever met. Yungar became a place that i loved. the kids wanted us to love on them. they needed attention. and they needed our Savior. in 2005, there was 1 sponsored child at this center. now, there are many sponsored children hearing the Word of God and getting a hot meal everyday.

isn't it incredible how our Jesus works? His hand is all over that center. you can see it. you can see it in the children's faces. you can see it as the women stand in the dirt floor kitchen and prepare meals for children that are not their own. you can see it as the pastor plays soccer with the children. Jesus is the reason for that place and it shows.

my favorite part of our time at Yungar was that we got to serve the children their meal. there are no words to describe how it feels to sit down that plate knowing that it could be their only meal for the day. no words to describe what its like to stand in that dark room and hear them singing to God with such joy thanking Him for the meal they are about to eat knowing that i often forget to thank Him for the meals i eat three times a day. there are just no words. this is one of those places where His goodness overflowed. and it overtook me.

and i thought about my friends living on the street in Albany. and i prayed. i prayed hard that they had a hot meal that day.

love exploding. in Huaraz.

Huaraz is my favorite place. probably in the world.

its authentic. gorgeous. and holds onto a piece of my heart for so many reasons.

my first trip to Peru in 2005...i met this little girl named Elisabeth. she was so pretty. so sweet. and attached to me like glue. the next time i saw her in 2007, she grew up so much! but she was still my sweet girl.

this time...i was blown away. i didn't see her sunday morning in church. but i did see her sunday night. we looked at each other with puzzled faces and wondering eyes. trying to figure out if it WAS really who we thought it was. the next day we went to look at homes. and her house was on my groups tour. :)

later that day i gave her mom some pictures i had taken last tme of them at the church. of me and Lesli (her sister), of me and Elisabeth, and of the girls and their mom. oh, i love this lady so. i really do. and she broke down with tears through a smile she was so excited to actually have pictures of them. she showed them off. and told me thank you at least 50 times.

and then my sweet Elisabeth came up and whispered in my ear. she wanted to know if i remembered her. be still my heart. how could i forget her?! she told me she knew i would come back one day to see her. my heart was exploding. she has grown up so much. so very much. and loves Jesus with everything she is.

Elisabeth's sister, Lesli, is also quite the girl. and has a piece of my heart. she has something wrong with her eye. and cannot keep going to school if she does not have surgery. but her family does not have the money to afford it. so i am asking for prayer that our Jesus will heal, provide, and touch that family.







this was in 2007.


















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and this was this past trip:) oh, my sweet girls have grown up!





















this is just ONE little girl in Huaraz. so many more stories to come from my time in Peru. get ready.

"we are the fragrance of Christ to those who are being saved and among those who are perishing." 2 Corinthians 2:15.

my favorite name to be called is "hermana."

well, it has almost been a month since i set my feet back in the states. and it has taken this long to really dive into what He taught me. who He is teaching me to be. and what He wants to do with all of this.


my verse for this trip:
"For God has not given you a spirit of fear but one of power, love, and sound judgement."
2 Timothy 1:7.

my Aunt Gayla prayed for me and gave me this verse. she told me to remember it. now, i have known this verse for such a long time but never really sat and thought about what exactly my Heavenly Father meant when He promised us that. and i had no idea just how much it would mean to me once i got to Peru.

He gave me peace like i have never known on the bus ride to Huaraz. i slept like a baby up that crazy mountain in the middle of the night. He looks after His sheep. He indeed looks after His children.

and He proved His love to me once more when I fell the first day in Huaraz. it was a hard fall. my leg was black. and walking miles upon miles a day did hurt but i like to think i was somewhat of a trooper. come to find out...when i got back i still had a black leg so i went to see the doctor. she said that i busted a major vessel in my leg. there was a blood clot but it calcified quickly, which if this hadn't happened...walking miles a day...at 12,000 feet...and airplanes...a blood clot would not have done well in these conditions. but my Jesus makes a way out of no way.

no matter how many times i go to Peru i will still be blown away by one thing...their joy. these people are SO satisfied in Christ that it doesn't matter if they have no food. it doesn't matter if their child has a disability. it doesn't matter if they walk 8 miles to church. it just doesn't matter. but what does matter to them is their love and service to Christ. they are faithful in service. and they are grateful for all they do have. a prayer that literally brought tears to my eyes in the childcare center said, "dear Lord, thank you for all of our things." now, this seems just like a little prayer but when you walk through these children's homes...you will understand. feces covering the walkways. turkeys in the corner. no roof. and the animals have more space than the 6 children who are living in this home. they thank Him for that. they thank Him for what they do and don't have because they know that He will provide. those tiny, little dirty hands folded together in desperation to talk to God and let Him know that they are grateful. it gets me.

this is just the first part. more distinct stories with pictures coming up:)

stay tuned....

i promise.

there is a Peru post in the works.

so much to pour out of this heart. it's so full.

its a puzzle.

some random happenings in my life.

1. i have a huge book to read this weekend. and one to finish. oh, on a side note this book is revolutionary...it is made of plastic. i stuck it in the sink last night. waterproof all the way.


2. i'm thankful for friends who care enough to tell me what font to use on an assessment. it may seem small but it was needed and so very appreciated:)

3. i am convinced He cares way more about the journey. who we are. and who we influence. than what our title is.

4. my best friend lives in the same city as me and i talk to people 8 hours away more than her. life HAS to slow down at some point.

5. He's shaking up my world. and some days it freaks me out. and some days i am ready for my world to be turned upside down. ready or not...

6. my dad asked me tonight about a lady we saw. he asked her name. her story. and if she had somewhere to stay. i think he is beginning to accept my heart is not the norm. i think he's proud. i think he's scared to death. i think he knows that He is in control.

7. my small group rocks. and those women have HUGE callings on their lives. we will probably never all be sitting in that living room like we were last night again. and that scares me. in a good way. and i like that we constantly talk about Uganda. and orphanages. and adopting. they get me like no one else ever will. well, except one.

8. i think He has already orchestrated things like He wants them. and i know that. i see it. its too much to realize sometimes. because its rather insane. some people will never believe it. but some already do.

9. i like direct messages on twitter more than anyone should.

10. i wish i was brave enough to get out of this grey area. but its better for Him to work out the details anyways.

school is almost over for the semester. i feel like everything i have done has been in vain. i'm exhausted. being at war is no fun. but this is what i am certain of...chaos will occur on that campus and when it does...He will be cheering on His throne.

ramblings.

my weekend consisted mostly of sociological statistics formal assessment. sounds fun, righ?

ehhhh, negative...

i was going to be at this. but driving 6 hours by myself didn't quite sound so appealing the closer it got. and jaye, only the coolest pastor's wife i know, told me it wasn't allowed:)

(via @worshipvj)

ticket purchased.

emotions heightened.

annnnndddd no one else could get a ticket because it sold out.

story of this girl's life.

mark my word...one day i will meet Beth Moore. promise.

my weekend did have some much needed elements in it.

.like dinner with katy, sam, graham, braley, anna, lindsey, jordan, chris fenner, kyle, erica, tyler, alec, anna 2, and cara. yes, we took up a big table. :)

..sleeping for more than 4 hours was also nice.

...Georgia had PERFECT weather this weekend.

....relay for life.

.....greenbriar. mexican. angels and airwaves. and 1204B completed it.

oh, some of my best friends are GONNA HAVE A BABY!!!!! <-----i can hardly stand it i am so excited for them.

and getting to have a part in some of the most incredible high-school girls lives around makes life beautiful. these girls get it. like honestly get it. and it makes me proud. we can talk in the car about how they will avoid creepers. and then one of them wanted to understand sociology today...and that made this heart smile. God has HUGE things for them to do. they are a little piece of a revolution coming out of this place. stoked.

i might be over college. but i am not over what God is doing all around me. He's too good to me, i tell ya. too good.

his or mine? and does it really matter?

okay. i don't like to talk about this. because it gets intense. and awkward fast.

BUT...

i have to let this out.

recently, i have been hearing more and more of the women in my life talk about not going to school for this reason: supporting their husbands and being submissive to his desires/God's will for his life. and raising their children to fear God and not care about what the world says.

let's tackle this slowly. and with care.

i understand that not everyone is made for college.

God uses people all the time without one ounce of college. and most days..i wish He would come on down and tell me to quit. the idea of that scares me to death but it would be a beautiful thing.

here's my problem with that: i don't like the idea of changing your passions and goals in life because the person that you are attracted to has completely different passions and goals. i think when its the right person...your hearts will be synced...and His plans for your lives just mesh together. i have seen it happen...a lot. and it is an amazing thing. absolutely amazing.

your hobbies will probably be different. you might like the beach and he might like the mountains. but i know that i know that i know that the important things...will be synced.

i think we should support our husbands FULLY and with compassion. i am just saying that using that as an excuse sometimes just does not cut it.

maybe all of this is radical for the South. but come on. God can use a woman just like He can use a man. and what if the woman is the one in the ministry and not the husband? and what if they are both in the ministry? what if they are both missionaries with completely different job titles? what if they sometimes have to live apart for a few weeks at a time? i think He takes care of all this. and that takes a huge weight off of us.

and the whole raising your kids to fear and obey God. i don't think you have to be a stay at home mom to do that. and i certainly think someone with a college degree can do a fine job of it.

there is a huge piece of my heart that hopes that i can stay home with my kids. and this might be in a mud hut. or airport. or might be some other random location. but this is what i know, wherever we are, God is there. and whatever we are doing, He is watching and listening out for His children. living with a white picket fence, waiting on your husband to get home with his brief-case...is not exactly raising your children to fear God.

i think it takes more courage to go to school. get that degree you probably will never use.

and show your kids that obeying God might be moving away from those you love. and fearing God might be loving Him so much that you cannot stand not to move to that place you really don't even want to visit.

i think when we follow Him completely. obey Him. take Him at His word. and trust the passions He has made our desires in our hearts...the details SO do not matter.

your husband might have to be okay with supporting you too. your kids might not always be the same color. and your family will look at you like you are insane. but the cool thing is...everyone thought Jesus was crazy too.

your thoughts are VERY much needed.

if he is scared, i am excited.

I will start with this: I am okay with Satan hating on me.

Sounds crazy, right? well let me tell you about a few things.

if you haven't heard...our world is at war. we have to fight. every single day. and if you don't have to...you can count yourself lucky.

my campus is a war zone. i am a soldier. maybe not a good one, but i am one. trying to shine. trying to show greater love. trying to make "on earth as it is in Heaven" come to life in Georgia.

i don't think i have ever had so much spritual warfare as i have this semester. maybe because i prayed for fearless love and He gave it. maybe because my professors favor me when they shouldn't care about a word i say. maybe because He is up to something that i cannot even fathom.

...looking at my medical chart...i have been sick more since January than i have the past year.

,,,anxiety about this next year has overtaken me.

...chaos does not even begin to describe it.

...i had my first wreck today.let's be real. i was scared to death when the guy hit me today. and then i felt sorry for him. the paramedics, sheriff, and firemen were the sweetest and treated me like i was their daughter...offering their jackets and telling me to stay in the car out of the rain. He puts good stuff in my path these days. and i was anxiously awaiting for my Daddy. i was being taken care of but i needed him. and he came. and it was all okay.

i can't help but parallel this to my life at the current moment. yes, its busy. yes, its chaotic. and yes, sometimes i feel like a wreck. and sometimes friends or Bible studies or encouragement can make it better but it only is okay when our Father gets there. when we invite Him in. to take control.

it just so happens that the wreck happens on the day after my professor tells me he will sit down with me and figure out my classes. and the day after i drove across town to give out 2 meals and a Bible. Satan hates me.

looks like he is out for me. and to be honest, that makes me excited.

because if he is scared, I am excited.

because His plans are bigger. and better. and don't make sense sometimes. but that is the part that makes the journey so exciting:)

and He reminds me just how good He is by my best friends taking me to eat Mexican andpraying over me the sweetest, most tender prayers i have heard in a long time. they know this heart of mine and go along with the crazy dreams He has given me. they are some amazing people. and we also danced under the moon, in the driveway, singing really loudly to "A Girl Named Tennessee." so tell me why not to like Satan hating?

we fight because we know there is so much more.

tonight, i miss this.

we were shamelessly

fighting

for our city.

we crossed

racial barriers.

and we loved them hard.

...this is Niecey. we prayed together and she asked Christ to be her

Savior that day:) one of my most memorable moments so far

in my life. it was absolutely beautiful. she is going to do some

amazing things for His glory! ...

..........................................................................................................................................................................


we love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19.


..........................................................................................................................................................................

13 years. africa and legacies.

today it has been 13 years since I hugged my sweet Granny.

today marks 13 years that she has been dancing around with our Savior.

today marks 13 years since the day I just do not like to think about.

I talk about her often because she deserves to be talked about.

I love people because she taught me how to.

I never have to worry about being supported in missions because of the people she influenced, preached to, and left a legacy for.

And I have a burden on my heart for Africa...because we used to talk about it.

This past year, my burden for certain African countries has grown tremendously and I can't explain why except He is up to something:) I will tell you the first time my heart skipped a beat for the less fortunate. (And I smile just thinking about how Jesus allowed me to remember this)

Sitting at Granny's kitchen table.

She was reading to me out of encyclopedias. (yes, we are that cool)

She placed a basket on my head and made me walk around like that for the rest of the day.

Showing me...what it was like to live in Ethiopia, having to walk miles to get water.

And from that moment on...my heart has not been the same.

So because of her, I love the way Jesus loves me.

So because of her, I will live out a life that other people are scared to think about.

And because of her, I will share the Gospel with my atheist professors. ....why this one?

...because one of her hundreds of tax folks...just so happened to be an atheist psychology professor....coincedence? God-thing?...and she shared Christ with him every time she saw him. and he loved her for it. Today, he still comes to my house to get his taxes done by my mom. And he might not want to believe in my God but that never meant he didn't see His love all over my sweet Granny.

so tonight, my prayer is that I make her proud. that I make my Heavenly Daddy proud.

I pray her legacy lives on. through me. through my future children. and through their children.

oh, I miss her. but she is talking to Jesus about the revolution that is about to unfold:)

today..I wonder about 5 years from now.

I don't have a lot to say today. Mostly because I am so busy I cannot even think straight on my day off.

But I wonder...in five years...will my life look like this.

Or will it look more like this. (with a child that looks a little more like me. haha.)

Or this.

What I hope most is that it is a comination. of all three of those pictures.

His plans are bigger. His ways are better. Sometimes I don't know exactly what He is up to...but I am liking it:)

He's too good for me. But He loves me anyways.

capital punishment. loving each other deeply. and knowing my Daddy.

disclaimer: yes, this is really a post about capital punishment. and yes, i do live in south Georgia. and yes, i realize people may think this is over the top.

today, a LSU graduate student came to interview for a position at Southwestern. of course, it would be my class that he taught/was watched in.

he was nervous. he was awkward. he seemed super nice. he had red hair.

we talked about capital punishment. people being put to death wrongly. and how minorities are put to death more than white people. and my heart just hurts thinking about it again.

we filled out a survey and i said i didn't agree with it. i was one of like 3 in the liberal class who thought this. it was eye opening. aren't liberals for life in prison?

anyways, here is the deal. i honestly don't know if it is right. i am tired of taking everyone else's word for it. so i will search and pray and search some more. because my Daddy cares enough to let me know.

if someone ever hurt Jamester...i would want something done. probably not just prison. so this is where it gets tough. my human heart wants to say yes...but does God truly like what is going on?
... in Matthew 5:39 Jesus tells us to "turn the other cheek."
BUT
...in Isaiah 1:17 it says "learn to do right! seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless, and plead the case of the widow."


over the last few years....
Texas executed 379.
Georgia executed 38.
Tennessee executed 2.

for a few minutes today i wanted to move to TN, but then He reminded me of something...our world is corrupt and messed every single place i ever go.

my.heart. is. heavy.

today, being an English major at a Christian school would have been so much easier. but i think He has proved Himself faithful this week. He has screamed love. He has made God-things happen. and He has shown Himself not only to me, but to my professor who i love dearly through a friend's blog.

and so when i am confused. i will trust.
and when i can't see. i will trust.

September.

this molding of my heart is continual. and beautiful. and i am really loving what He is doing.

and what He began doing that day in September.

Orlando. Mid September. Worship. with 40,000 other women.

it was amazing. and life changing. for so many reasons.

i was exhausted. and it refreshed me.

i was losing hope. and oh, how He renewed it.

i wasn't sure. and He made it so clear.

and then to top it all off, He allowed connections to be made. in THE most unexpected place ever. and for that i am forever grateful.

i guess He knows my heart better than i do, huh?

i will leave you with this random picture. why you ask? because it makes me laugh and shows the joy that my Daddy pours over me. :)

sometimes the things.

sometimes the things that freak me out the most are the things that people say without thinking. knowing. or even caring.

today a girl (who knows nothing about my deep passions) said to me for the second or third time, "do you think one of your children is already alive?"

and the answer is always, "i. don't. know." i don't have it all together. i can't even imagine what He has in store these next few years.

dirt floors. mud shacks. loud streets. crowded orphanages. hurting people. His people. my future.

my heart beats funny during these moments. i feel Him re-arranging the rooms of my heart.


thanks for holding this heart, Daddy.

pictionary. Clayton. light bulbs.

Sometimes when He speaks to me, it just makes sense and I cannot get over it. No matter how many times it happens...I STILL get chill bumps, my heart beats faster, and my stomach feels funny and I think that is exactly the way I should feel when the Lover of my soul speaks to me. Maybe I am just crazy.

There is going to be a point in my life where I know no one, people don't "get" my heart or passions, and people won't understand what I am saying (literally). I might even have to use my mad pictionary skills to get through a language barrier or two AND to find the nearest 7-11.

And I am excited. I am scared but in the coolest way possible. I avoided this for a long time?! If that is possible. It was much easier to think about having the white picket fence, kids in private school, SUV to pick them up from piano lessons life than to really consider the passions instilled in me.

I don't know what the next 10 years hold. Geeze, I don't even know what the next 10 weeks hold. But what I know to be true is that every time I take a step His light is shining on my step. And yes, I wish I could see a few steps in front of me but doesn't that take the joy out of the journey and the trust out of our Daddy?

He's good. He's got it. He is preparing me...in ways I never imagined.

Throwing me into a liberal major. a religion class with atheists. and people that hate my Jesus but want to be my friend. didn't seem like it would EVER be in my journey. but it is and yes, it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I like knowing what they believe though. I like knowing that this might be preparing me for a mission field that is full of darkness. He is my light. and He is lighting up that campus.

The way He puts things together still gets my heart racing and my blood pumping. It doesn't make any sense to me right now, but one day I know it will.

And this week I got an answer to a prayer. One of my greatest blessings is to be able to be His hands and feet. And one of my favorite people downtown as been MIA lately and it had me worried. Part of me wanted to know that he was okay but then I just couldn't help but dream that he could have found a job, found a house, not need me anymore. But I saw him earlier and he didn't need me but I needed that conversation. He knows that God has put him in a valley for a reason and in his drunken stupor he explained the love he has for Him. It was the most beautiful thing.

And tonight, my heart is hopeful. expectant, and anticipating the next few steps.

He is the One who knows me like the back of His hand so how can I not be stoked?!

Please tell me of the ways He is showing up in your life!

He knows.

So, I saw this on twitter and then it was re-tweeted and re-tweeted and re-tweeted...and it is definately causing some intense thoughts in this mind of mine.

"It is always a mistake to decide what you want to do before you have decided on who you want to be." -Andy Stanley

Now, I love Andy Stanley and I think he is a solid man of God. BUT...not sure about this statement. Not knowing the context in which he said it does indeed make a difference, but here is just a tid bit of what is going on in this brain:)

First of all, I think we all have a lot to figure out along the way. I know that I had no idea who I would be and what I would be doing sixth months ago. We change, we morph, we become who He wants us to be. Because He is the One who defines us. We are found in Him. We rest in Him. We discover ourselves in Him.

I do believe as followers of the Way, we have an obligation to be holy as He is holy (I Peter 1:16). We are also suppose to pursue righteousness, love our brother and enemy just as we love ourselves, treat others with respect, be kind to the needy, etc. Here is the thing though, none of us are perfect. Our Heavenly Daddy realizes this. Why else would He send someone to SAVE us? He knows we are going to mess up. And through the mistakes...we learn. we change. we become the person we want to be.

Tonight, Johnny said something that completely just clicked. I think the exact quote was something like this, "We take the wrong steps and we just have to deal with it." This sounds harsh, but it is so true. When we decide to chase the dreams God has placed on our hearts there is no doubt that it is a leap of faith; and when we get scared and take the wrong step...we do have to deal with it but the coolest thing about that is that He uses that mistake to make us who we are! Let's be real, we know we mess up...alot. But we still have things we want to do for the Kingdom, things we are pursuing to see the story of God echoed across the world. When we mess up, the stride might become longer and tougher...the result we want might be months away or longer...and in the end we discover who we are.

He has prepared so many things for us to do and laid dreams (bigger than ourselves) on our hearts for a reason...for His glory to be shown. And He knows we will slip up and mess up. But we are still to pursue Him, still to trust Him, and still to discover who we are in Him and in Him alone.

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"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Ephesians 2:10

"For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."
Romans 3:23

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33